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Sabrinamari

February 2015

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Feb. 28th, 2015

Sabrinamari

Happy evening

Last night was so much fun! Dave and Sharon came over and I was as excited as a puppy to see them.

We hugged and talked and played with Sharon's Hapi drum (wonderful! Loved it!) and Dave's new drum and my old Native American style drum (it needs a new head). I showed them Flower and gave them rocks and Dave and I traded rubs.

I realized that I missed them very much, which I hadn't actually known before last night.

I am happy and excited and delighted that I'll be traveling to Baltimore so much over the next two years---more opportunities to visit them and delight in their company.

I'm also enjoying my light and happy heart. I've missed this light heart, which takes so much pleasure in my friends' company, in beautiful things, and in the endless opportunities for happiness all around me. It feels like a great and wonderful relief to feel this way again.

Even my dreams were full of delight at simple things last night---finding soap that smells good, cuddling, swimming in a swimming pool, yummy M&Ms. Peaceful, happy place...

Feb. 27th, 2015

Sabrinamari

Reconnecting in new ways

I'm starting to rekindle some old friendships. But I've changed in many ways, and both what I seek and what I have to give has shifted, too.

I'm approaching things with a lighter touch, now. That which is meant to flourish will blossom, and that which isn't will abide temporarily and then dissipate, and that's alright, too.

I also feel stronger and more centered, less like drama is going to kill my heart. That's kept me away from people for some time: a strong wish for no drama, and perhaps the worry that any drama I encounter will be truly unpleasant.

But today, I feel centered and strong, and able to trust that if drama appears, I'll just walk away. No big.

Anything I don't like, or that doesn't seem wholesome to me, has no power over me that I don't give it.

This frees me to go back, reconnect, and see what my connections feel like with peace and freedom.

This trust in myself, and this peace in reaching out, is made possible by two things:

1. Lack of attachment: I don't feel nearly as attached to outcomes, because of a still-fresh awareness that, big shock, I don't have to depend on other people for happiness, fulfillment, or joy. I can find that for myself, without needing others to get me there.

It's nice when they can add to my happiness, but if they don't, it doesn't have to devastate me. As a creature of life and joy, I can always get back there myself with or without company.

I no longer think that attachment is necessary for love. In fact, I think it endangers love. Lots of love + little attachment to outcomes or behaviors means that I can love people without making them responsible for my happiness.

That makes it a whole lot easier both for them and for me.

2. My source of safety is housed more inside of my own self than I've ever experienced before. This means that I don't move as quickly into panic when my close relationships seem threatened. Michael doesn't represent safety the way he used to. I am my own safety, now.

So fear has less power over me. Things that once seemed scary or threatening to my marriage or close relationships (really, my perceived sources of safety in the world), are just...possibilities. I don't have to go nuts and lose myself in panic when a possibility that once threatened me appears.

I think some of my old relationships will survive this shift by changing and becoming different kinds of connections. Others will just die. I'm good with both options. I can still love the people who don't connect deeply with me anymore. I'll just love them from a distance, without stress.

And new people with new insights and ideas will emerge from the world. The heavens will open up entirely new universes of possibility.

And that is good.

SMIB.

Feb. 24th, 2015

Choose wisely

Storms

Storms so wild
Storms of grace
I call your blessing
Into my heart now

May I release and let go
May I be revitalized and grow
I open up my heart
To you now

Storms of grace
I stand my ground
As I allow your magic
To cleanse and surround

Any outgrown energy
Which I no longer need
Anything which will sap
Or deplete rather than feed

Storms of grace
Merciful earth
With your help
I experience rebirth

Alana Fairchild, Sacred Rebels Oracle Guidebook

Feb. 20th, 2015

Sabrinamari

Where my mind is

Battle of the minds
Cries below, cries above
You must pick a side
Will you choose fear? Will you choose love?

What does it look like
This orbital ball from the fringes of the Milky Way?
What does it feel like
This orbital ball on the fringes of the Milky Way?

Raining fla- fla- flavor
Icing fla- fla- flavor
Flavor love

Whose God then is God?
They all want jur- jurisdiction
In the Book of Earth
Who's God spread fear? Spread love?

What does it look like
This orbital ball from the fringes of the Milky Way?
What does it feel like
This orbital ball on the fringes of the Milky Way?

Raining fla- fla- flavor
Icing fla- fla- flavor
Flavor love

Turn up the frequency

What does it look like
This orbital ball from the fringes of the Milky Way?
What does it feel like
This orbital ball on the fringes of the Milky Way?

Raining fla- fla- flavor
Icing fla- fla- flavor
Spread that fla- fla- flavor
Flavor, flavor, flavor

Flavor, Tori Amos

Feb. 17th, 2015

Sabrinamari

Enjoying my good life

My life feels really good when I'm at home. My honey and my boy are amazingly kind and funny. Angela and Bill and Dusty make it even better when they visit.

I feel astonished and delighted when I realize how much I am loved and cared for.

I'm reading a new set of books for the class I teach that explores the fragile families of poor urban women facing tremendous inequities.

Reading these books makes me want to shout my gratitude out to the world. My man is good, caring and reaponsible. He actually listens to me and loves me exactly as I am. My son is equally kind and caring, and still loves spending time with me.

How did I win this lottery prize of a happy family?

I know when I come home it is almost always to comfort, sweet laughter and love. I know I will be accepted and embraced. I know that we will address our problems as equals who listen to each other and communicate well.

I know my man is deeply committed to me. And within this joy, there is freedom. I can still create strong loving bonds with others. I win.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Feb. 13th, 2015

Sabrinamari

It took me awhile to really understand this

You cannot get sick enough to help sick people get better. You cannot get poor enough to help poor people thrive. It is only in your thriving that you have anything to offer anyone. If you're wanting to be of an advantage to others, be as tapped in, turned in, turned on as you can possibly be.

---Abraham

Feb. 4th, 2015

Sabrinamari

Thank you, Universe

Lately time with my family has been really, really good. It's almost always been good, but in the last few weeks, I've come to enjoy Michael and Trent even more. I don't know what's changed---maybe me, maybe them. But wow, this family is a tremendous source of love, and that love is getting better and better.

I'm feeling deep appreciation and delight that I get to experience one of the most beautiful things in life: a family that's truly renewing, filled with people who express their deep love for me in healthy and positive ways.

That's been especially good in the last few weeks of tremendous work.

My friends have been very important, too. I'm filled with appreciation for the lovely people who stand with me, and the man and boy who bring me delight with such regularity. Thank you, Universe!

Feb. 3rd, 2015

Sabrinamari

never alone

Every once in a while I noticed that I am totally, utterly, and completely surrounded by love. I realize that I couldn't be lonely or isolated or unloved if I tried. There are so many beautiful people around me, and the Universe itself is so loving, that I can't even see what it would be like to be alone and unloved.

It seems as though every plant, every animal, and every thing around me is seeking to give love (OK, there are some stressed out mean ones. It's good to walk well around those unless you have enough and enough and enough to share). Even if I were alone I would still be surrounded by it all. It's a matter of leaving the doors open, so all that yumminess can get in.

Feb. 1st, 2015

Sabrinamari

feeling love

Thinking about how much I love my brother. Those moments in which I am aware of how much I love sneak up on me, and suddenly, my eyes fill with tears just from the intensity.

It is good to feel it.

Jan. 31st, 2015

Sabrinamari

fly woman, fly!

I never thought I'd be helping to improve a book heavily based on my own.

It feels odd and wonderful to encourage another writer to create something wonderful and original with roots in my work.

I want her to fly and write an even better book than mine.

You go, girl!

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