I’ve started a new project: reviewing my 13 years of blog posts.
There’s a lot to be gained here, and it’s time for me to take a look and see what’s here for me.
I haven't posted here in a long time. There are major changes afoot, and I am surprisingly at peace with them. Wherever this ride is going, I feel good about it. Peace.
Probably the most exciting thing: I've met a wonderful new friend who has opened many doors for me. He's quite amazing, and I'm excited to get to know him better. I think he and Michael will get along tremendously, and I hope they will meet soon.
Life feels very good right now!
That I really don't have to take most of the responsibility for keeping the house clean, and for so much of the cooking. All those tasks are very sharable, and I only have to ask persistently and stay on that.
That I live in a world of abundance: not just abundance in terms of good friends and wonderful experiences and enough money, but abundance in people I'd enjoy meeting who also want to meet me. This is kind of a shock: I've spent so long in my little Pagan world that I just thought the whole greater world was like it in important ways. This is not true. Outside of my little world, there are amazing, wonderful people I never imagined. And they want to meet me, too.
All those articles I worked on as a second author that have not yet come to fruition could be published at any time. Today, two articles that I had forgotten I worked on got submitted to journals. Two! I'm astonished and excited.
Making meditation my first act of the morning changes everything. After meditation, I am more grounded and centered, and I feel genuinely good. I'm more likely to run, more likely to lift weights, and more likely to write---all things that make me supremely happy.
The work I don't enjoy will gradually get done if I just do a little at a time. Today I knocked out two enrollment snarls, and tomorrow I'll do two more. Then the list will almost be done.
That my health can be even better than I imagined. My bloodwork came back and my new integrated physician has explained that if I take particular supplements, my sleep will improve dramatically. I think that means that my energy will go way up, opening all kinds of doors. Also, she's managed to help me feel way better in a whole lot of ways. A good integrative physician can work wonders!
Changes are coming very soon, and I can't predict in which directions they will take me. But I've lived so long in my little cocoon that I welcome them anyway. I want to live in this abundant, exciting world in which I play so much more and enjoy myself more deeply than I've really imagined. And I want to work much more efficiently, and get the really important stuff done so I can flourish more. And now it seems possible.
I have no idea what my life will look like a year from now, but I think it will look very different.
And I welcome this!
Beautiful morning. Woke up feeling happy and expansive, as if everything is going to shift and morph into even more interesting forms. So many new opportunities have opened over the last few weeks, and I love not knowing exactly what the next few days will bring.
Even work seems to be moving again, as I start to get traction on the trust project. Last night was spent alone, and I could have been a little down about it, but the opportunity to refresh, listen to music and prepare for my week was a good thing.
Hmmm, I wonder what today will look like?
Keith would have loved this gathering so much! Using his bell in circle was very powerful for me. And how perfect that we came together one year after his death.
All the way home Gwen played me Delta Rae. I listened to Dance in the Graveyard three times. Love you forever, beautiful, amazing man.
Woke up feeling happy and content. What a great gathering! I met many wonderful new people and got to know others a little deeper. As I hugged one person goodbye, I told him how much I appreciated the great job he did while we were all there. He smiled and took in my praise, returning his own: "And you are fucking *fierce*!"
This brought me such joy! I've been called many things, but rarely fierce. I know what he meant, and why he said it: I got unexpected opportunities to express my passion and my drive to build beautiful community, and I got to share some of the things I care about most.
It felt incredibly good to be seen and affirmed. Squee!
It's lovely when people can see you for who you are.
I came back from a really beautiful weekend in the woods with family of my heart who know me and love me. I love them too, and this year, it really struck me that we've been a community of friends now for multiple decades.
Gwen came with me, and she enjoyed herself so much---I loved seeing her integrate seamlessly into this garden of beautiful people.
I felt like looking through my blog when I got home and stumbled on an especially beautiful piece of writing that I posted here years back, after Cat read it at Fires of Venus once. I feel the desire to repost it here, so I will. It's been such a long time since I've heard it, and I remember how much it struck me when first it was spoken in my presence:
"When love beckons to you follow him, though his ways are hard and steep. And when his wings enfold you yield to him, though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you. And when he speaks to you believe in him, though his voice may shatter your dreams as the north wind lays waste the garden. For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning. Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun, so shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth......
But if in your fear you would seek only love's peace and love's pleasure, then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love's threshing-floor into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears. Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed; For love is sufficient unto love. And think not you can direct the course of love, if it finds you worthy, it directs your course. Love has no other desire but to fulfil itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires: to melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night. To know the pain of too much tenderness. To be wounded by your own understanding of love, and to bleed willingly and joyfully."
— Khalil Gibran (The Prophet)
So mote it be.
Tonight Stormy and I are just being. It is good.
"Today, look upon your life, your bank account, your family, each person you meet, as a wild horse. If a problem looks difficult, relax. If it looks impossible, relax even more. Then begin encouraging small changes, putting just enough pressure on yourself to move one turtle step forward. Then rest, savor, celebrate. Then step again. You’ll find that slow is fast, gentle is powerful, and stillness moves mountains."
Grateful for small, positive changes today.